Hebrews 6:19

Hebrews 6:19 "This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast...."

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Lord, My Soul to Keep

Carrie Judd Montgomery wrote: "There is a secret place within the holy of holies under the very cover of Christ's wing --a place where we always have access to mercy seat.....a place where our spirits are made so spotless by the blood of Jesus that He can always smile upon us."

The above quote resonated with me - that secret place, the holy of holiness, where nothing is held back and it's all there for Him to see.  All the sin, the shame, the failures and the cares of this world become so transparent that hiding becomes unnessary and healing is all that matters.  

And there I am in the midst of my life, wondering if there is anything that God's Grace can not completely touch?  That His mercy is incapable of healing?  That I even stop to wonder this, astounds me. With the cross before me and His mercy around me, why do I hesitate?   It's the trust, it's my faith that I need to embrace and allow to grow deep into the good soil filled with the newness of life.

I was struggling with anxiety the last few months, not feeling myself and wondering how to get close to God; He seemed so far off.  I awoke one morning, feeling the weight of the anxiety in my chest, like a knot all wound up inside me.  I called out to God, explained how hard I was trying to remain calm and how much I was trying to get close to Him.  I felt the Holy Spirit say: "I can take this from you today, it can be done today, **I** can take this from YOU: TODAY.  And I laughed.  I. Laughed. At. The. Lord.  Here I was as Sarah, who laughed when she was told she would conceive a baby in her old age.  Here I was believing it could not possibly be that easy.  I went about my day, but the knot and pressure in my chest remainded; all the deep breathes, **I** took to quel and calm the anxiety where useless. 

 A little while later I received a call from a dear friend.  She asked me how it was going and I was honest about the high levels of anxiety I was expericing, the panic attacks that were looming ahead of me, just beyond the corner of my mind.  I didn't tell her what The Lord said, and I certainly didn't tell her I laughed at what He said!  But the next words she spoke where the words The Lord had said to me.  She said: "This not who you are, not who God created you to be, He can take this from you today, and it can be over today."  I didn't laugh this time, I wept.  And I felt broken inside.  I knew it was true.  Here I had denided His words, and yet in His grace, mercy and wisdom He sent the message again.  Thanking her for calling, I got off the phone and made my way to His throne, feeling broken and tired, I laid it down.  I took His yolk and He gave me rest.  Matthew 11:9 "Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

I have not had that anxiety since, not the pressure nor the tight knot in my chest, not a panic attack threatens.  They have passed away and the old has become new.  

I have so much old in me needing to become new.  Am I not always learning to die to self and walk in the newness of Christ?????  Oh let it be so!  Galatians 2:20 says "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now life in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself up for me."


Here is His mercy and grace; where His love abounds.  His wings my refuge, His blood that makes me white and new.  And He smiles.  He loves to rescue, to bend down to listen as my mouth lifts up the words to His ever listening ears.  


He lives in me to work and do His good will.  To be glorified.  The old becoming new as He teaches.  He is gentle, and in Him is rest for my soul; where all that matters is the healing He has promised and the grace He provides.  Some things will take more laying down then others, more commitment to prayer, I have no doubt.  But Behind the veil is where I need to be; now and always, for my soul is HIS to keep.


No comments:

Post a Comment